A New Hope Well Maybe Not
by xunfaithfullx
Summary: Our two favorite heroines...US! are sent to save the galaxy, in Star Wars form. Okay so there's not a lot of saving, but you get it. Just read it dammit.


Our Characters :

Carmen: Princess Leia

Sam : Han Solo 

Amber : R2D2

Ville Valo : Luke Skywalker

Star Wars Characters (changed) :

Chewy (Chewbacca) : A hairy granola bar

Darth Vader: Shiny Head (okay so hes the same but Carmen calls him shiny head)

C3PO: Tinkerbell (not the fairy)

Grand Moff Tarkin : The guy with the drawn on cheek bones (Muffy Cheeks)

Obi-wan Kenobi : The dirty old hermit!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away... Blah dee blah blah blah …and restore freedom to the galaxy... 

Carmen: "Woo hoo! Go Star Wars Sam!"

Sam: "Shut up I'm bored."

Carmen: "Didn't you watch this in comm-tech?"

Sam: "Yes, but I find it amusing, mmm…sexy aliens."

Carmen: "Right… oh well large amounts of sugar and caffeine will make it interesting."

Anyhoo, they watched the movie, and then decided to go to bed, because the caffeine had worn off and they were sleepy. Yes… (it's hard to write stories late at night okay!)

They were lying in bed in a very NON-lesbianism way.

Sam: "Imagine what we would be like we were in Star Wars."

Carmen: "There would be complete and utter destruction. Yay!" *smiles* 

Sam: "and we would give birth to many strange looking babies, and we could put them in a freak show and make lots of money!"

Carmen: "Your money scheme is almost as retarded as Braden's porno idea. Go magical orgasm man-fairy!"

Sam: "It's pretty dirty how he wants you to be the star of it."

Carmen: "And having sex with a bunch of weird looking aliens isn't?"

Sam: "You could learn a lot from them, like different positions."

Carmen: "I am going to stop talking to you now, and you can dream about your alien sexual fantasies as I dream about Ville Valo fantasies."

Sam: "Will make Ville and she-aliens mate!"

Carmen: "Goodnight Sam!"

And with that Carmen pulled the blanket over her head and fell asleep. Sam also dozed off, not really thinking about aliens though cuz she's not really that dirty.

Sometime in the night, they are not awakened by a soft green light shining into the bedroom. I repeat, not awakened because Carmen and Sam sleep through these sorts of things. 

Anyways, creepy little aliens, looking suspiciously like garden gnomes, appeared from the green light, and began speaking to each other in a strange gnomish dialect.

"Why are we here in the forsaken country of Canada?" Gnome-man Kazookee said.

"I think we're here to capture a sample of this so called intelligent species." gnome- man Yehoud said.

"They don't look very intelligent to me," Kazookee remarked as Sam rolled over and thwapped Carmen with her arm in her sleep. 

"Well, maybe that's why the Great Grand Alien suspiciously looking-like-a-gnome Master sent you, dumbass."

"Oh yeah… wait, was that an insult? Oh I forget now."

"Whatever, let's just get these two…things… aboard the ship."

Yehoud and Kazookee pointed their pointy-hats at Carmen and Sam, and purple laser beams shot out and enveloped the girls. 

"God dammit I hate purple, fucking ugly colour!" Sam shouted in her sleep."

"Well, it appears that these Canadians have special subconscious abilities to perceive things." Yehoud said.

"Let's just get away from here. I didn't think it could be so cold during the warmest season of the human year." Kazookee said.

"Of course it's cold, it's Canada."

When Carmen awoke later, she thought she was trapped in a nightmare. Bright colours were swirling around, and happy gnomish figures were dancing around everywhere. A sick, sad, horrible nightmare, or was it…

"Sam, did your sister somehow get magical markers to further torment you?" Carmen asked.

"What…? What… the FUCK? OH MY GOD THEY'RE LOOKING AT ME! FUCK OFF YOU FUCKERS!"

"Don't be afraid," Kazookee reassured Sam. "We won't harm, you, we just want to conduct intelligence experiments."

"Huh?" Sam replied.

"Sam, you probably failed already." Carmen remarked.

"Meh, this is probably just another pop and skittles induced dream."

"Yeah, taste the rainbow my ass. I hate rainbows, they're so rainish, and bowy. Eeew…" Carmen said.

"Right… alright you both failed the intelligence test," Yehoud said. "But we still might have a use for you yet."

"HHAHAHA! IT'S LITTLE, AND GREEN! I WANT IT!" Carmen shrieked and ran to glomp the little alien-gnome-thing. "Wait, alien-GNOME-thing? AAGH! EVIL! GIVE ME MY VARIOUS MISSING OBJECTS OR DIE!!" Carmen jumped on Yehoud and started to strangle him. The other aliens came to his rescue, shooting Carmen with pink laser beams from their pointy-hats. Instantly, she dropped the alien and was in a euphoria.

"Wooo…. Haaaappy…….wwhhhhyyyy? Heeee…..heeee….." She fell over and started pawing at imaginary things.

"You made her happy! How could you do such a horrible thing?!" Sam shouted.

"We'll bring her out of that mood if you just agree to listen to us." Kazookee tried to negotiate.

"Okay, as long as you never make her happy again."

"Agreed." Kazookee shot a black laser at Carmen, sending her back to her regular irregular mind.

"Now, this is very important," Yehoud began. "The universe is in grave danger, and we need your help…"

AN: HAHAHA! Um…. Yea so we hope you enjoyed our story of retardedness there, but it'll make a little more sense (a very little little) later. But keep reading anyways. Byes! 


End file.
